I am starting to realise how important is our quality of attention right now. Especially during my local walks. Stay safe.

Each year about this time here in the U.K. there is one day when nature suddenly welcomes the warmth and everything starts growing. I adore that day and always wait for it impatiently but I was so tired yesterday (two therapy sessions, one in VR so quite deep and unexpected) that I only noticed our fog tree’s leaves opened up like little palms.

Today I found this tree in an abundance of leaves while just a few days ago it was a bunch of sticks! It’s happening and from now on everything will grow super fast. So the fig tree has leaves half the size of my palm already, with fruit bursting with baby life. My Dutch clematis is in full bloom, so are bluebells and wild garlic and even one-year-old rosemary too! For those of us who are nature lovers, this is a special spring, challenging times but such a relief and boost of energy for nature. I cannot wait for my peonies, roses and dahlias.

And so bluebells begin!

I see a lot of posts about people loosing track of days. I urge you, if you haven’t already, to follow the normal routine and keep work to workdays, weekends to weekend. If needed, make a Wednesday and lighter day, it make midweek.

I personally don’t even find jokes on the topic funny. Lines will get blurred a lot and time will feel different. But it’s on us just how much of it will feel confusing.

Take care of yourself and plan, before it gets worse. I have been there and I hope many of you won’t.

And rest for one evening, and over to the next thing. Cannot wait to really immerse myself in VR and cyber-psychology all throughout April. Had a day of calls from 10.30 to 4 pm, two of those with people who shine in the excellence and inspiration. Uplifted. Validated. Excited. Happy. Plotting the next steps for @VoxelHubOrg already. But for tonight…rest.

Naughty day of doing too many working hours today – the risk of working from home and not stopping much. Must do better tomorrow but I guess it’s a busy week. So glad to have sunshine for the entire week, just wishing for warmer days too. Hope to slow down towards the end of the week. Hope you are all safe!

I love the flowers from my son and I like celebrating motherhood too. Although, to be honest, every day is #MothersDay to me. I wake up grateful for my son, admire his resilience, independence and most of all joy and love for life, his stoic belief that everything is going to be OK and if not – he will become the president of the world and fix it. I was given gorgeous 14 years of motherhood and cannot wait for more.

In the U.K. we speak of our children in negative sentiment mostly, it is so accepted it goes unnoticed. It’s perfectly ok (considered healthy even) to complain about being a parent but I find it infuriating. We joke about our helplessness, mention mainly challenges, mostly blaming those little ones. We find parental collective connection over the stories of disasters, mess and lack of sleep.

As if they were a burden? But they ARE here and listen to our words – surely that’s rather painful…I think that’s wrong and really mean. It’s really cruel to our children actually.

So I model different parenthood. I speak to and of him kindly. I notice his small and big wins, not failures. And I look hard at myself instead, the adult. Instead of complaining about motherhood and leaving it at that, I work harder or less, I ask for help, negotiate better parenthood, care for myself and teach people around me to support me.

I very rarely get negative and if so – I resolve it with my son, honestly. I guide him, I do discipline him – draw the boundaries between us and expect him to gradually step up too. And so he grows wiser, stronger and more independent. But I always stay kind and – even though I accept the harder times and differences – I aim to be positive.

He grows loved, wanted and confident.

It was me who invited him into this world so it is my responsibility to make it a warm home for and with him. I don’t just tell him he is loved, I make him feel so and tell the world about it too. And so on days like today, when I get this love back it’s so overwhelming!

My heart grows, explodes in fireworks and settles into a richer togetherness. Happy parenthood is more than possible, it’s actually easy, we just need to allow it in. Stay positive and you will get positive vibes back. Especially now, this will help us manage, who knows… maybe even thrive and grow closer?

This was the hardest thing I had to do for my own business (@voxelhuborg) recently – a scheduled photo walk for the new website. Luckily the wonderful Kasia Kiliszek @kkiliszek is sensible, serious but calm and ever so professional. We’re so lucky to have such talented artists in Bristol.

As the world unites in the fight against the virus I stay close to my family and count my blessings. Stay safe but also calm. We will get through this.

It’s been over a month… I needed to rest and heal from the silence of Brexit. I have spent this time journaling about a quiet, calm life; accessing my personal self-care mechanisms and becoming a bit more available for my friends and colleagues. I finally stopped worrying. I stopped thinking about the future, focussed on the present more.

I allowed myself to explore what was it about my situation during the last four years that really affected me. I am ready to look back, open up those wounds and re-integrate my learnings into my future. (This process, by the way, is a standard expectation of coaches and counsellors – however, I have always worked this way. It’s harder to open up wounds directly after an experience, but it’s so much more effective long terms. We then get to live without any hidden ghosts from the past).

It’s terribly ironic that the fear of the unknown future, ignorance of knowledge and science, way too slow response from the people who are paid to represent and protect us, the stocking up on food, the social isolation is exactly what we are all going through right now – for other, more visible and obvious reasons of the global pandemic.

I cannot help but see the parallels between what we are all going through collectively right now and what some of us have experienced for the last four years (with not just the unknown but at least three specific dates to worry about). The educated, more economically and politically aware people living in the UK (both EU and British citizens), struggled with exactly the same feelings that we face this month all around the world.

We have spent weeks, then months, then years, awaiting clarity on the future of our country, economy and the European peace process. There is nothing more debilitating than the sense of uncertainty about the future. And so in the world of business, we have learned to actually future proof our plans – just like in the old marketing books – now actively practising the “political” in PESTEL analysis. We moved away from those rigid 12 months and 5 years of business plans to sets of business scenarios instead. We started thinking beyond political systems, geographical borders and took the legal areas of our business a bit more seriously. However, as we practised all those new, seemingly useful skills, we also felt devastated at heart. We shouldn’t have to be in this place. EU was created to help us foster our cultures while forgetting the need for passports or borders. Walls went down for a reason…now we could feel the bricks piling up again.

We looked in astonishment at the level of ignorance in our country. We saw people smoothly shifting their views led by a well crafted public narrative focussing on “the other” (immigration), not the significant – freedoms, rights and a common strong, peaceful, inclusive economy. We started realising the cost of the underfunded, broken educational system. We also understood the smart agenda of not really educating the public on the actual benefit of the union since the early years of joining. We looked at the well-crafted campaigns, almost admiring each step. We watched in despair the racism and nationalism emerge even amongst our most educated friends – regardless of their nationality. For many, the word “security” did resonate with a hint of safety. Fed outdated nationalistic values worked for some. At heart, however, we all ached. We ached for clarity and some kind of sense of morals. Since ancient times choosing leaders meant voting for the strong, smart and innovative in return for care and protection. Angry and divided does not feel safe. We did not feel cared for, nor protected. Not a single one of us.

We worried about our actual survival. Each time we approached a Brexit deadline we stocked up quietly for a few months. We learned to store dry and canned food, salt, matches and batteries. We learned to bake bread and grow our own fruit and veg. Not for a hobby but out of necessity – our leaders failed us so we had to learn to take care of ourselves. I cannot tell you how difficult, how heartbreaking it is to talk about this to our children. How terrifying it is for them. How angry it made us and how sad. In the 20th century, parents should not have to navigate such a complex reality.

The hardest aspect of Brexit years was silence and social isolation, lack of public discourse on the reality of the situation. Some of us, the EU citizens, suddenly were positioned to be on the wrong side of history with no systemic support whatsoever. Somehow we took this on – we came from a place of racism anyway, so this was nothing new to us. Just a bit more terrifying – like a dark cloud still following us since our roots. But we understood that support is only given by people who feel safe, and British citizens did not feel so. Actually, all of us ached and longed for open conversations about the pain of the unknown and the participatory grief over the country we were gradually all loosing. All of us needed help. Yes, the public discourse perfectly utilised our cultural paradigm: it’s not polite to talk about politics at work and in other public conversations, and so even the word “Brexit” was deemed dirty. Every single Brexit deadline, we all fell into the midst of pain, anxiety, quiet anger, fear and disconcert. But we did so on our own. Each of us alone in our own quiet bubble. There were no songs sang together on balconies. There was only a quiet suppressed pain of our individual hopelessness. Those of us who have faced oppressive systems walked around in astonishment – how is this even possible? But we were silence too – our of respect for the local culture, we had to join in and shut up.

I really, really wish it did not have to happen this way….However, the current response to the Coronavirus pandemic is at least collective. It unites us. It highlights the ignorance of those leaders who choose wealth over humanity. It shows the clear impact of those who focus on the health of their nation. It shows us clear proof of our economies on our climate. It closes our doors but opens our hearts. It inspires us to sing in unity. It is very similar to how many of us were feeling for years of Brexit reality but in this one way it is quite unique: it is open, collective and uniting. We open up, care for each other and start paying attention to knowledge and science. We reach out to our faiths for comfort but stop relying on it for practical solutions. We see some of our employers and other leaders step up, reach out and sometimes even listen. It is still testing and I fear we might lose some friends overreaction to this too, but we regain a sense of humanity.

I hope this learning curve ends soon though and we can all start healing.

Photo by jean wimmerlin on Unsplash