First run of 2021 – waited for sunshine and warmth. So chuffed I got the level of effort right to get back to the 5K training. #Hillfields #Bristol

We have lost so much. We have learned so much. We have unveiled so much. No wonder we are in pain.

However, remember: no one said that an honest, rich, connected…felt life is supposed to be easy.

Feel it. You are not alone.

Bristol’s heart is still beating but so many are not paying enough attention. Listen to the silence – who is not mentioned, who is gone unmentioned and undocumented?

In those cold times I am so blessed with good people checking in and carrying me forward. Thank you. With your support I can help others too. So much in my identities and belongings is shifting these days. So many layers evaporate and I am becoming more of myself. I have learned so much about kindness and cruelty, action and silence in the last five years and it is all finally settling into me, integrating into the way I work. I can only promise this growth won’t stop. And I am so so glad I have friends who guide me but also call out my blind spots. Love to all the good people out there.

My favourite strawberry tree. Still standing tall.

A new (to me) local take out. Turkish language, colourful tiles, tv screen with a relaxation videos from a dedicated website featuring small Swiss churches and high mountain peaks filmed by drones. Empty. Clean. Weirdly calming. 2021 feels so bizarre.

I promised myself to slow down in February but as I do so, I am accomplishing so much more! Piles and piles of ideas flow out of paper. I wonder if it’s just slowing down or the fact that the nature is waking up?

Lovely fog this morning, making my early and slow morning rather mystical. Loved the slow early wake-up, dog cuddles and family chat. Planned my reads and picked up a book. All chilled… and then noticed on Twitter another conversation about leading cyber-psychology researchers who were used for the Guardian article again. The article is demonising the use of screens by children and fails to quote the full context of what researchers shared. Even in times of Twitter, mainstream media still manage to position screen time use as the key threat to our wellbeing, instead of focussing on free access to online schooling – which is our real issue in 2021. It breaks my heart to see such talented, hard-working researchers being used to reinforce half the century-old myth of screen time. We know it is not true. We know screens are not detrimental to our health. Some of us know at least. And yes, this is political. There goes my calm… but I guess it’s also important to be angry about this because this narrative causes harm to families who need laptops, parents who need to choose between buying food and paying for Internet to provide access to online education for kids… So much work still to be done. So much work.

After the last year of diversity studies I am at the point where I hate my whiteness, its heritage and the wilful blindness it carries all around me: it’s hard to wake up to it. Of course, this is nowhere near as hard as living a life of racist abuse, but still very difficult to explore. So arriving at this book, just reading the introduction made me feel at home. I am so glad to find a story that resonates with what I am going through right now.

Remembering Dad today. The one who showed me how to invest in trees, not houses and how to save people softly, one at a time. Who never stop trying. Perfectly imperfect himself. One who showed me the nurturing power of soft leadership and active listening, joy of life and lightness of being. Lost too soon. Miss him terribly. Somewhat conflicted: sad but glad he’s not here to see the storm. He and his ancestors would be proud to see me fail, get up again, better myself, unlearn but stay true to ancient ways of Korsaks.

R.I.P. Hubert Korsak. 🖤