The abundance of green as I cycled 30 km with @muneera_pilgrim towards Bath today – what a lovely ride and just how nice to catch up finally! Thank you!

Passed my virtual reality coaching and counselling accreditation, talked to the wonderful @know.your.cycle , spent the evening with the boys delivering @otrbristol free seed packets to young people and now collecting energy for the last NHS clap – needless to say, one emotional day today.

This really isn’t much but especially at the moment @bristolallotment is my sacred place: quiet, full of buzzing bees and flowers, always challenging with something new to do. A little project to keep my mind off the crazy world. Ever so grounding and relaxing. (Work makes us happy if it’s chosen by us so it’s a perfect antidote to the pandemic infused helplessness). Exhausted now. 🙂

It’s quiet. I am writing a lot but in my journal, so it is all landing in my drawer. I am practicing writing, reflecting and sending all my negative and sad thoughts into the abyss of my black desk. I do not want to share the anger, grief, sadness and helplessness with the public – even though like for everyone else they all come in waves.

Because I do not think it is justified for me to do so.

Here is the truth: so far, I have been lucky. I have a job, two even. I have a business “in the cloud” and well established remote working habits. Yes, I am slower (affected by the lockdown and collective grief), but I am healthier than in the last five years. I have a weekly therapy as a part of my ongoing training, supervision, mentors and now also Advisory Board for Voxel Hub. I certainly do not feel alone.

I have two weekly calls with friends – on Wednesdays and Saturdays, so this way I can keep in touch with them and check-in with myself too. I feel supported.

My family have adjusted fast. We thrive in kindness and safety of our home. We meet and go away to our rooms to work, then meet again. We go for walks, walk the dog, cycle now and again. Seemingly life is actually better for us. Not having to commute to work takes away the wide range of sensory experiences that I do love, but also something that tires me out a bit. So we reconnect with nature instead.

But there is also this dark cloud of deep sadness over our heads. So far the slogan was to “stay home” and we were slowly growing over the multitude of divides unified in the response to an illness. But our leaders are smart, too smart…so now we need to “stay alert” which implies divide again, distrust and war.

There is no need for that anymore. Nature is showing us the way, keeping us in homes and neighbourhoods. Cutting down on our flights and silly holidays. More and more of us get it: we do not need to visit all those tourist locations to find another emptiness in our hearts. The meaning is just down the road, over the fence, in our streets, on Thursday night when we meet – weather we clap for NHS, others or just to support our own hopefulness.

Like with the weather, I am shifting fronts too. Most days are good, some days are cloudy. All days are movement and change. Change is coming. It is unavoidable. And I welcome it – with a bit of anxiousness and with a lot of hope.

Photo via Unsplash here.

Morning oak tree, she is so happy this year, I suspect she might double in size.

I have not been very well last and this week. Really badly managed routine and health, this week starting to affect my health. Ripples of past years of social isolation emerging like an unwanted visitor – only adding to the burden of our collective grief and helplessness. It’s really difficult to do it all on my own, so I am finding comfort in my old hobby: photography. I did a lot of work for @voxelhuborg though. Taking it one step at a time. Kindly adjusting my work rhythm to evening work instead. It’s so difficult to have to slow down when all I really want it move forward. Frustrating. So glad the sun is back! Cannot wait for the weekend and some time to reconnect with nature. Stay safe!

It’s raining still but I sense Mother Nature is enjoying it. Hoped to burn a fire today for May Day, but I was too cold. I need to move more, otherwise, my blood will turn into ice! Here’s to the more active weekend!

I’d like to say I miss the sunshine but actually we need rain. So pleased to see it on the forecast for tomorrow. Made the most of sunshine on the plot yesterday and found some fantastic views in the local nature reserve. Nature is thriving.

Feeling totally down today. So much so that I actually went for a short walk-run promised to a friend. Feel better now. Good enough to start work effectively. Realising that I looked forward to rain (allotment and garden need it) but this gloomy weather does not help my moods. Social isolation is a term people misuse but the real impact will start to kick in about now and it will not get easier…so I am moving to the second stage of self-care: more activity, more inspiring work, more contact with friends. Stay safe, y’all.

Big day! The beautiful design by @camiizo_ finally on the wall of my counselling room 🙂 such a special image, and I am so pleased that the printing was possible in those crazy times.