On my Nameday, I feel such a mix of emotions. I used to celebrate it with my Dad but he is now gone and has been for many years. I used to celebrate it a lot on my own, in my own quiet way, reconnecting with my Roman name, Tatar roots, Polish Lithuanian ancestors. Each year is somewhat different but since 2019 it is also the Birthday of my business. @VoxelHubOrg is the third digital start-up I am building and it is slowly shaping up. This year feels so much steadier, richer. But the work, it goes back a bit. Pretty much since 2014-2015 I was preparing, testing, making space, intentionally arranging life in such a way that now I can build this baby in a balanced way, without stress or rushing it off. We go softly. We build the foundations and every 3rd of November, check-in. We invest in impact. But, it takes a village. So it’s the day of saying thanks to people who make this work possible. And a day of reflecting on its mission too. Hence the book, a stark reminder of what is ahead of us and how we need to stay awake, work hard, reconnect with each other, build alliances and bridges. We need to guard the progress we are making. One step, one person at a time. Thank you to every person who is with me. I am standing on the shoulders of you, giants who came before me and who walk alongside me now. We do this for the giants who are growing up and will take over from us. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Tree selfie today. Discovered a lovely walk opportunity in Kingswood today.

A quiet celebration of a small milestone on my counseling journey. This space is such a healing, blissful office for my therapy work. Eternally grateful to every single person who supported and continues to support me.

On the road again. Not ideal but trying to stay as positive as I can. Still, I am astonished how reckless is the impact of the negative bias towards tech on our lives these days. So much work could be done online and safely if we finally believed that online reality is as real as the grounded one. We should not have to face impossible choices like this but here we are.

This weekend I have discovered a narrative in my mind which is very disrespectful of nature. So I spent all my free time re-connecting, apologizing to trees, and holding my shame in front of my face: this bias is real, we do look down on nature and the conviction grows deep. Not as deep as the roots of this oak tree but deep enough to hide even from my rather eco-friendly habits on the surface. Those who know me might find this a bit of a surprise, I’m the one preaching of nature and the power of technology to save the planet and our humanity… yet, there, hiding deep in my collective human narrative was the idea of complexity and dominance. Now, I see it, so it’s time to weed it out. Wish me luck. This is deep work.

I read a lot of books this summer, many wonderful ones, some not-so-good ones, however, reading @shafakelif – this particular new book of hers was a healing balm to my soul, mind, and body. As a youth therapist and first wave immigrant, from Poland which is suffering so much, a parent who had to guide my half-British son and Eastern-European husband, and myself tbh through horrible racism of Brexit U.K. I needed to read this so much. Very few authors take on Brexit-related issues, very few still talk about the climate crisis. (For me too nature was the Healer) She does it all and brings healing in the process.

Travel feels so different now. At a train station. Thinking about all the things that have changed around us and in us. Sad to see empty food shelves even at Starbucks but not surprised. Covid is shielding the impact of Brexit. How on Earth are we going to heal from all of this? Where do we even start?

Thinking about systems a lot: systems that sustain us and systems that trap or even oppress us. Do you believe you can work within or outside your systems? Can you bend the spoon? What makes people see the ease of doing so? Opportunity or challenge?

Back to therapy work. My heart is here and I sense all of it is in eco-therapy at the moment.

I do not know what to say today but since there is no middle ground (never was) I want to speak up and I will be…honest. I am tired of reading the same stories of hurt (“it’s always the same people” as my friend once said) but so I should be – we caused this, we need to do the work – if you haven’t done so already (it’s 2021!). I am in incredible pain a year on because I see so many people who suddenly care about some forms of discrimination but not others and so it makes no sense to me. I am stuck in between so many identities that don’t serve me (Polish living in post-Brexit U.K., woman, “opinionated”) and those that do but harm others by default (White, able, relatively OK financially, business owner, educated, multi-cultural). Next week I will become a British citizen and carry the additional privileges and responsibilities. I will be employable, have a good credit score, another passport, and the right to protest too, also a right to voice my opinion. I am aware of the pain that comes with discrimination and silence, my own blindness, and I am determined to do my best to keep all people safe. So yeah. I see today so many deepen the divide when…this pain is not new. Maybe, just maybe, we should all focus on critically reviewing where we are with this, instead of pointing fingers. Sit down, listen, learn and do better. If you think you’ve got this – that means you don’t. I am doing better and I promise that I will do even more, but I see there is still so much work to do. And when I feel like giving up, I remember the truth: without hope and a dream of a better future for all of us, what is left? This is a painful reality. People die because of our ignorance. We are too slow, too blind, too comfortable. We all have a lot of work to do. I am glad to see that more and more of us, White people, do. If we haven’t already, we are waking up.