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On Brexit and other demons
Since Brexit referendum conversations started, I have decided to stop posting most of my negative feelings online – because there are loads of them and I worry that I might affect my online friends a bit too much. I share their fears and worries but I try to steer away from my own rambles. I leave those for my personal journal on paper. But today I wrote on paper something quite intense: “I hate this year, truly. It challenges me beyond belief!” and I did so mainly because of the political challenges the UK is facing, the current racist propaganda and the changing climate of my very own town. I wrote it because the people I trust the most, some of them, are showing their true colours and I am facing the need to make drastic cuts in my networks – it really is not a nice feeling at all. My life balance is really affected. I sleep badly at the moment. I worry a lot. And I need to motivate myself a lot to remain objective, sensible and focussed on clients, work, and studies.
I write this because I need to make a note of this very difficult time in my life. I am now really appreciating the role that my trusted close friends play in my life. I really benefit from my self-care habits and from the love of my family. I find it really important to have a purpose and goals – even if I need to have a few versions of those. Gratitude, kindness, love of learning and deep understanding of my roots and values keep me going, keep me focused.
I know that the times we live in the UK right now are going to get harder – I really don’t know which way the results of the EU vote for us will go, but the very fact we are facing it shows the crisis of our society. We are facing and will be facing, even more, identity crisis on an individual and collective level. Something tells me I will need to look into the identity’s role in mental health more because a lot of my work will be done around it. I hope for the best, but I am aware of the worst too. I plow through it with determination as I will make the most of this time for myself and for others. We will all do. I hope we will.
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Embrace – body image issues
I really don’t know how to reflect on my attendance at the “Embrace” documentary in Wantage last night because I came out of it with mixed feelings. On one hand, I really love the mission of the film, I admire the author’s journey and the commitment to share her experience – body image issues are such a huge area of mental health problems that I don’t even dare to look into it. I know a few people who have done amazing work on it here, in the UK, and I know from their stories that the work is really demanding, hard and also very rewarding. I am angry that we live in a mainstream media landscape where both women and men are struggling to just enjoy their lives as they are. But I also expected a bit more from the movie and the screening. Here is what bothers me:
- Choice of stories – why just women’s voices? I would love to hear more from men who have varied opinions (both in the movie and during the event)
- Solutions – the documentary is a great conversation starter and few of us last night had a brilliant chat about it, so what are the next steps? Open up, connect, what can we really do?
- Cost – why is the documentary not available for free online? I completely understand the need for a business model for the author of the movie but the movie itself should be free because the message is really important. I think to put a price tag on a conversation starter on such a fundamental problem we need to deal with is unethical. I also think it creates an accessibility issue – a barrier. Everyone should see the movie and ease of access is important.
- Audience – what about children? I personally think this movie should be rolled out as a mandatory material in primary schools all across the globe and I am really sad that the local screening was so late, my son would really benefit from watching it.
- Research – what is the current research on body image issues? I would love to see interviews with few researchers too, not just personal stories
I really enjoyed the movie and the above criticism stems from the fact that the film is actually a conversation starter, it prompts action and opens up the need for more and more: more awareness, more open conversations, more stakeholders and more research but most importantly: actual how to’s for people who wish to change their take on their own body and practice a bit of self-love.
I am really happy I managed to view the movie in our little Wantage though, what a great initiative!
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Time is not
“Time is
Too Slow for those who Wait,
Too Swift for those who Fear,
Too Long for those who Grieve,
Too Short for those who Rejoice;
But for those who Love,
Time is not.”
Henry Van Dyke, Music and Other Poems -
The Last Laugh
The Last Laugh
“I made hay while the sun shone.
My work sold.
Now, if the harvest is over
And the world cold,
Give me the bonus of laughter
As I lose hold.”Sir John Betjeman
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Choices
“I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn’t quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn’t make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.”
Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar -
Brain games for elderly
While working through the first year of counselling studies I am also helping out at a local care home/residential village so some of my listening skills can be put into practice there. But it works the other way around too: a lot of what I do there results in great learnings. Recently I was asked to run a Brain Games activity with a complete carte blanche – I can design it myself. I looked at various aspects of brain games for this age group and studied its benefits (although those are pretty obvious to me) and concluded that I will probably focus on fun and socialising aspect of the activity. I want to include a bit of technology too and here I think Lumosity will come handy (I know they have struggled with proving the benefits of their product, but if we take it lightly as fun and something new, something different, I think it’s OK). I will at the core of the Brain Games activity use storytelling with the help of “Once Upon a Time” card game – why? Because it’s fun! It is easy to play. It is engaging. It leads to amazing ideas, regardless of mental abilities of players and I think it will work really well for us. I am not sure how much of the results I can share, but I will take my learnings and apply them to my work in therapy too. I think storytelling can be really powerful in fun activities but also as a core form of therapy (narrative therapy).
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On open and closed questions
It’s really interesting to study open and closed questions in more detail. Open questions (starting with why, what, how, who etc) allow a wide range of answers, whereas closed questions pretty much end up with a yes or no one. I spent years learning about the underlying rules of communication. I studied it in Polish, Hungarian, English and in German. Yet, I am now looking at all those learnings from a very different point of view: with the prospect of actively listening to clients while remaining empathetic too, regardless of my own opinions. It’s such a shift after years of blogging that sometimes I do wonder I can do it. But then I go back to the years of interpreting and translations – I worked in those each summer during my studies. And all of that active listening comes back. So today when I work with my fellow students on dummy situations, I am trying to make the most of my past skills in listening from the work with foreign languages. Because in order to convey a message from one language to another one needs to speak both but equally have a really good skill of listening. And by that, I mean body language, the tone of voice, mood, cultural influences, biases and all other aspects of a sent message. I am so glad I am able to make the most of my past studies and a lot of work in the field now. I have a lot of practice to do still, but at least I get the core principles.
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Dementia Champion training
Yesterday was a great training day for me. I went to Bristol to attend a Dementia Champion training with Alzheimer’s Society. I assumed that it would be a basic session about dementia and I volunteered to expand my knowledge about it with the hope of spreading the word locally. I was so impressed with the charity and their really well-prepared package, approach to dementia awareness and to volunteers too. I was in a room full of people with vast amount of professional and personal experience with dementia so I have learned a lot from the discussions with them too.
I start to understand a bit more the wide range of support required for people with dementia and their carers. I understand all the tabu topics surrounding it – things I was not even remotely considering, attitudes that I think really belong to past centuries and yet, I am told, still dominate our society. I was terrified, moved, uplifted and supported at the same time.
I also start to consider continuing my therapy studies in Bristol – it’s not far from my town and the wide range of people here is so inspiring. I think studying in a larger community might mean that my personal experience and realisation of a wider range of biases will be more useful for my future work. I need to think about it more.
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New Year
“Man was born for society. However little He may be attached to the World, He never can wholly forget it, or bear to be wholly forgotten by it. Disgusted at the guilt or absurdity of Mankind, the Misanthrope flies from it: He resolves to become an Hermit, and buries himself in the Cavern of some gloomy Rock. While Hate inflames his bosom, possibly He may feel contented with his situation: But when his passions begin to cool; when Time has mellowed his sorrows, and healed those wounds which He bore with him to his solitude, think you that Content becomes his Companion? Ah! no, Rosario. No longer sustained by the violence of his passions, He feels all the monotony of his way of living, and his heart becomes the prey of Ennui and weariness. He looks round, and finds himself alone in the Universe: The love of society revives in his bosom, and He pants to return to that world which He has abandoned. Nature loses all her charms in his eyes: No one is near him to point out her beauties, or share in his admiration of her excellence and variety. Propped upon the fragment of some Rock, He gazes upon the tumbling waterfall with a vacant eye, He views without emotion the glory of the setting Sun. Slowly He returns to his Cell at Evening, for no one there is anxious for his arrival; He has no comfort in his solitary unsavoury meal: He throws himself upon his couch of Moss despondent and dissatisfied, and wakes only to pass a day as joyless, as monotonous as the former.”
Matthew Lewis, The Monk -
My 2016
“Give a girl the right shoes, and she can conquer the world.”
Bette MidlerInstead of a long annual write-up this time you get this!:) Thank you all for all your support!
