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Strawberry Tree
My favourite strawberry tree. Still standing tall.
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Localities
A new (to me) local take out. Turkish language, colourful tiles, tv screen with a relaxation videos from a dedicated website featuring small Swiss churches and high mountain peaks filmed by drones. Empty. Clean. Weirdly calming. 2021 feels so bizarre.
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Waking up still
I promised myself to slow down in February but as I do so, I am accomplishing so much more! Piles and piles of ideas flow out of paper. I wonder if it’s just slowing down or the fact that the nature is waking up? -
Fog and Twitter
Lovely fog this morning, making my early and slow morning rather mystical. Loved the slow early wake-up, dog cuddles and family chat. Planned my reads and picked up a book. All chilled… and then noticed on Twitter another conversation about leading cyber-psychology researchers who were used for the Guardian article again. The article is demonising the use of screens by children and fails to quote the full context of what researchers shared. Even in times of Twitter, mainstream media still manage to position screen time use as the key threat to our wellbeing, instead of focussing on free access to online schooling – which is our real issue in 2021. It breaks my heart to see such talented, hard-working researchers being used to reinforce half the century-old myth of screen time. We know it is not true. We know screens are not detrimental to our health. Some of us know at least. And yes, this is political. There goes my calm… but I guess it’s also important to be angry about this because this narrative causes harm to families who need laptops, parents who need to choose between buying food and paying for Internet to provide access to online education for kids… So much work still to be done. So much work.
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Waking Up White
After the last year of diversity studies I am at the point where I hate my whiteness, its heritage and the wilful blindness it carries all around me: it’s hard to wake up to it. Of course, this is nowhere near as hard as living a life of racist abuse, but still very difficult to explore. So arriving at this book, just reading the introduction made me feel at home. I am so glad to find a story that resonates with what I am going through right now.
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Remembering Dad
Remembering Dad today. The one who showed me how to invest in trees, not houses and how to save people softly, one at a time. Who never stop trying. Perfectly imperfect himself. One who showed me the nurturing power of soft leadership and active listening, joy of life and lightness of being. Lost too soon. Miss him terribly. Somewhat conflicted: sad but glad he’s not here to see the storm. He and his ancestors would be proud to see me fail, get up again, better myself, unlearn but stay true to ancient ways of Korsaks.
R.I.P. Hubert Korsak. 🖤
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Raw
I am still a little bit raw – almost a year ago, finding out about the global pandemic meant that I needed to reevaluate my 2020 plans – but I am finding a way for resting. I have learned to practice a new level of self-care: connection with trusted friends, rest, nutrition & exercise.Prepared meals for the family for the first half of the week – works magic! So I ate well and snacked less. Did not move much though… Spent a week reading and researching reliable literature. Slowly getting into the mood of things with a bit of cbt and mindfulness. Enjoying the dark mornings and rain, actually. It’s still time to sit at home, read and write.
Preparing for another long year ahead…
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Slow Holidays
I was struggling to get into the holiday mood, constantly thinking about those poor truck drivers on the border. Yesterday’s news about food deliveries cheered me up a bit. In the evening, I was representing OTR Bristol at an Open Mic event organised by students on two sides of the pond – people’s kindness, creativity and care always move me deeply. The music cheered me up, but their kindness even more. Dog found it soothing 😉 I found it hopeful. It’s the little groups of carrying people who make all the difference. 2020 was shocking for many, unveiling for all of us but I sense more and more of my friends are getting used to the idea of open, raw, conflicting but transformative conversations. It’s not about fitting in, it’s about being unique and different. Feeling uncomfortable is a good sign. But we need to listen. It’s not about avoiding conflict hiding behind politeness about the courage to speak your mind knowing that we have to hold what comes back at us and negotiate coming back to the middle. And it’s not about being right – it’s about speaking your truth but staying kind and varying for the other. We’re in this together. We will figure it out.
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In the gutter
“We are all int he gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars”
Oscar Wilde
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New books
I am putting away my humanist books to make space for diversity: race, age, gender, silence, safety and neurodiversity. I might read more about social class too, although if there is anything a foreigner can pick up first, it’s the class system in the U.K.
I am so pleased that I have plenty of free time over winter holidays to touch all those emotive, raw topics and get better at working with power and difference.
