Sylwia Korsak

This autumn is quite exceptional – still rich, still full of fruit and veg, still giving. One lockdown spring gave Mother Earth so much space to breathe. Can we please rethink our lives and systems to allow for a few weeks of calmness like this every season? I am supposed to be making an important application today but this apple tree spotted during a walk with a friend is calling me. I might just escape to the allotment for an afternoon… such bliss.

Tuesdays are the most difficult for me in the lockdown (technically, as the cases are still on the rise personally I am in lockdown mode). I am so lucky I work in mental health and started training with positive psychology, resilience and bereavement studies. Sounds odd, however those three areas of psychology teach us to prepare for hard times in the good times – which is what I have been doing for quite a while now.

On Tuesdays, I am kind and grateful for everything, but I do keep busy not to allow my mind to wander and ruminate. If you need to rest, rest. But if you are starting to spiral down the dark corridor of thoughts, keep active – do things you like, even if you don’t feel like it now.

I spent my lunch going through my wardrobe, minimising the amount of stuff and preparing for autumn of mainly working from home. Fashion and I are not friends so clothes are a nuisance for me – if I can get away with it I actually copy Steve Jobs and normally go for a black top and jeans (I know, outrageous ;)) but why are women expected to be always on the top of the fashion charts and men can get away with minimal wear?!). I do wear them with style and spend seconds deciding in the morning, mind you.

Now, as a result, my wardrobe is tidy, clean and spacious again. I feel less sad, quite OK actually, and very pleased with the results. Tuesdays are hard for me, but there’s always Wednesday next and I look forward to a walk with an inspiring lady tomorrow.

It’s OK not to be OK, but it’s a bit easier if we try to get a bit better.

A new journal. Usually it takes me about a quarter of a year to fill it up (especially now that I am back to writing) so this new one will be busy, dark and heavy – difficult times ahead but also a lot of self-exploration with the new school so I found this Moleskine quite fitting.

I am staying with the book-themed one for additional inspiration, adding a bit of washi tape and some vintage stickers to the mix. That also means I can prepare all the pages in advance and think about the journal’s beginning and ending – a very fitting metaphor for how counselling studies work and how I approach the work with each client too.

I used to struggle with endings but after 2018-2019 series of losses and changes I am at peace with the entire cycle. Because as someone wise said to me life is all about cycles: starting, moving forward, closing, moving on and sometimes even reopening them again. And that’s OK. Change is in our nature, it feeds growth.

Empty Hillfields Park today – great for getting back to running. I was hard and angry with myself for stopping – life got in the way so I had to take it easy – but today realised that only last week I did it run at all. Before that I did run every week and now I am only I tot he third month of running. Funny how things seem like larger issues until we measure them and put them into context and perspective. Getting ready for colder mornings but for now enjoying later run in the sun.

First yellow leaves on my running trail today – I cannot wait for autumn but really want to skip winter!

Woke up before 6 am from a nightmare. Having watched the Radioactive about Marie Sklodowska-Curie (fantastically directed by the amazing Marjane Satrapi) my brain really dived into the situation of women. The actor playing Pierre told an interviewer: “I don’t think Pierre was a modern man, he was an exceptional man.” I agree. Modern man still needs to look hard at himself and the history he carries on and correct himself – work really hard, actively shedding layers of gender imbalance. While an exceptional man does not need any of this explained – he walks the path with genuine awareness that women are equal and – just as men – miraculous creatures. I am only now realising how lucky I am to be raised by an exceptional man – and how much work is still to be done. Mostly by men, with a bit of help from women too. I am in pain, but hopeful because I have a framework model that’s works. I know how it feels to be equal and exceptional at once. We all can be, men and women and all other genders too.