“Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards.”Søren Kierkegaard
As I put down my student’s pen finishing the last assignment, I am catching up on the posts from this week. Since we have entered a new year here are my personal 2019 highlights.
2019 was heavy, felt helpless in many ways, sad too. I lost my Father, lost a country and struggled with studies a lot. However, I have finished the Certificate in counselling and completed L5 coaching course. During both courses I have learned a lot about my personal ethics and boundaries – I had to protect, steady myself a lot. I came out on the other side stronger and wiser. It shouldn’t have to be this way, but I gained really good self-protection skills. I think my coaching and counselling practise can only benefit from it.
It was also a year of hopefulness, collective resistance and action. I met and worked with fantastic, inspiring, brave people. I soaked in their endless courage and fueled my own plans. I launched Voxel Hub as a result.
2019 was a year of letting go, the magic of creativity and safety. I grieved. I relaxed. I worked on identifying my personal cycle of safety and guardians. I got better at expecting and articulating what type of support I need.
I worked through the 12 weeks of “The Artists Way” to get over my creative block prompted by early days of Brexit. I accepted that for three years I had to stop talking. I explored the reasons for my silence: what I needed to hear was so subtle and gentle, that I simply had to stop talking. Voxel Hub was born out of a need many still cannot see, but to me it was noticeable. I just needed to switch off all other signals to hear, see, smell the truth – our real pain. As we are moving towards digital wellbeing people simply rename online safety into digital wellbeing, but that is actually missing the point. We need to stop and define our humanity in the age of digital. In every meaning of the word. Are we ready? No. Can we do it? Yes. It took me a few years to find the sources of knowledge, but I got it now. I’ve got the core model which is so solid that the new studies only confirm it. Because I did not make it up – I grounded it in two decades of my professional experience and a decade of additional, targeted research. I now have a starting point, a compass. And I am working on the rest. It’s not easy to get back to blogging after such a long time, but at the core of my self I am back, I want to speak now. As my core block fades away I am experiencing the magic of the world again.
In 2019 I learned to work gently on my goals. Slower pace, more rest, hours of time in the allotment, in nature, in libraries and with friends were a treat to my soul. I learned to restore my energy to help others better.
The allotment was my safe recovery space, so I am adding the notes from there too. It was a year of projects – that second year when allotmenteers usually sort out all the much-needed contingency for on-going work with plants. Having our own small goals and reaching those made us more hopeful, not just achieved. We did so much!
It was also a year of testing – we are new to Bristol so we wanted to know what grows well, what not so much. Growing our own food brings us closer to nutrition and our rituals. We enjoyed the family dinners, Sunday morning breakfasts and special meals made of stuff that tastes just the way it should.
And we had flowers on the table from early sprint to winter. Flowers brought us joy and reminded us that even in darker times there is still so much good out there to grow.
Have a good 2020, dear Friends!
“I’ve been fighting to be who I am all my life. What’s the point of being who I am, if I can’t have the person who was worth all the fighting for?”Stephanie Lennox
“I look upon death to be as necessary to our constitution as sleep. We shall rise refreshed in the morning.”Benjamin Franklin
“Ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge: it is those who know little, and not those who know much, who so positively assert that this or that problem will never be solved by science.”Charles Darwin
“It’s a universal law– intolerance is the first sign of an inadequate education. An ill-educated person behaves with arrogant impatience, whereas truly profound education breeds humility.”Aleksandr I. Solzhenitsyn
“Be the change that you wish to see in the world.”Mahatma Gandhi
“I’ve begun to realize that you can listen to silence and learn from it. It has a quality and a dimension all its own.”Chaim Potok
“And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.”Haruki Murakami
“There is a stubbornness about me that never can bear to be frightened at the will of others. My courage always rises at every attempt to intimidate me.”