Yesterday was a great training day for me. I went to Bristol to attend a Dementia Champion training with Alzheimer’s Society. I assumed that it would be a basic session about dementia and I volunteered to expand my knowledge about it with the hope of spreading the word locally. I was so impressed with the charity and their really well-prepared package, approach to dementia awareness and to volunteers too. I was in a room full of people with vast amount of professional and personal experience with dementia so I have learned a lot from the discussions with them too.

I start to understand a bit more the wide range of support required for people with dementia and their carers. I understand all the tabu topics surrounding it – things I was not even remotely considering, attitudes that I think really belong to past centuries and yet, I am told, still dominate our society. I was terrified, moved, uplifted and supported at the same time.

I also start to consider continuing my therapy studies in Bristol – it’s not far from my town and the wide range of people here is so inspiring. I think studying in a larger community might mean that my personal experience and realisation of a wider range of biases will be more useful for my future work. I need to think about it more.

Here’s the thing. Travelling is really educational. I just came back from Venice and realised that on my journey to identify all my current biases (a work which is expected in the first year of counselling studies) I have omitted something very obvious, something that really bothers me and on some occasions even affects me in my daily life. Walking the streets of Venice with my son, I was taking a lot of photos of Venetian masks. I find them fascinating, grotesque and – if found in the right part of the city – really impressive too. My son asked me about the very idea of Venetian masks and I had to look it up. Turns out there is a theory that they were initiated as a response to a very rigid social class of Venice (or Italy). We don’t think about it much nowadays in many parts of Europe but if you live in the UK long enough you might come across the idea or signs of social class. As a simple example let me tell you that one of my neighbors until today has not acknowledged me as her equal simply because I don’t own a house. It took me a long time to figure out the reality of the class system in the UK but somehow by now I got used to it. I refuse to play its rules with the assumption that my planned ignorance makes the other party responsible for adjusting to a new tone of our conversations (whether they chose to do so it’s really their choice), but I got used to it. However, I have not considered what the class system means for my future therapy work and my current studies. I need to reflect on it more and build it into my practice too.

I am really tired now because I was organising a Christmas Fair for our local care home and pretty much had to do it on my own. I am really, really fortunate that many of my local friends and contacts agreed to help and the event itself was lovely. It’s so rewarding to see elderly people celebrate with their families but also socialise with new faces. It was warm, full of kindness and I do feel ready for Christmas now. But it was also quite demanding and I had to step back from very active studies to just covering the basics of my work in counselling course. I was prepared that some weeks or months might be like this, but the last few weeks of fair organising took their toll and I really need to think about resting now. We will be traveling for Christmas to visit family so I hope to rest then, but I really should not wait another month to do so. I am back to long walks, allotment and psychology books making peace with the fact that I cannot be 100% present in every part of my life all the time. Leffing go, relaxing, accepting the facts and demands of life is the best I can do now.

I attended the Wantage Mayor’s Reception for Volunteers last night on behalf of the Wantage Summer Festival with mixed feelings. It was really nice to see so many lovely people giving up their time for the town. It was lovely to see the Town Council saying their thanks to all of us too. But I was also aware of the fact that soon, very soon, the time I have invested in all my voluntary work (almost half of my available work time at the moment!) will have to be redirected towards very active studies.

It’s really difficult to make life choices and I am glad that I have completed the StartupCamp.com academy which gave me really good tools to make choices related to my personal and work life (and work-life balance in general) but the idea of volunteering will always remain really tempting. There are many health benefits of volunteering (socialising, improving our self-esteem but also resilience, sense of purpose and pure happiness when work gets done), and I really hope that when I take a step back, it won’t be for long. I also know that I will strongly recommend it to all my future clients!

It’s interesting for me to observe that some of the work I have completed in the last few years in preparation for studies actually falls under the category of self-care. Self-care is now just a way to prepare for studies though, but it also turns out to be a key responsibility for a therapist. I came across the term and related tips in multiple episodes of counseling podcasts already, but now that I am studying it, I realise I need to take my self-care habits to the next level. I

Initially, this is what I thought I am or should be doing:

Caring for my own mental health:

• Work effectively, improve my work processes and habits so that I can always have enough time to rest
• Keep positive habits going: practice gratitude, fun, positive outlook on life, focus on the good stuff
• Meditate and treasure the simple moments of peace as they all add up to a unique experience of fairly balanced life and shape resilience skills for harder times
• Practice creativity – not just in terms of arts, but also making things, gardening, photography, or simply doing new things
• Maintain healthy relationships – nurture friendships, treasure good moments, resolve conflicts asap
• Learn to fail and be kind to myself – simply say: it’s OK, I am OK (I call this a mental hug to myself)

The above stuff is what we read and hear about mostly nowadays. Now, if you look at the Wikipedia definition of self-care some of those points are covered but I have not considered my physical health at all! That’s probably because I am fairly healthy and mostly strong, even though my idea of exercise equals lifting up a book to read or going for a dog walk. Not much more. And so in the light of my need path into the therapy would I really need to reflect on all areas of self-care one can imagine. Pinterest is full of ideas for self-care tips and categories but I think the model below is most efficient for me.

I will have to include the self-care habits as one of the tracks of my studies, something I need to consider in all areas of my life. Otherwise, I will not be prepared for the overwhelming responsibility of supporting my future clients effectively.

Yesterday I attended the Wantage Literary Festival at the Beacon and listened to Oliver James. It’s fascinating to listen to a psychologist who has on one hand very progressive views (supports the view that parents should have more paid time to raise their children) and at the same time is really traditional (beliefs only in the proven scientific insights, not speculative theories). I like rebels and he feels like a rebel to me, but at the end of the day as a practitioner, my job will be to learn from as many scientists and theorists as possible and apply their theory in practice to support my clients. Yes, I agree that in the nature vs nurture battle our insights were heavily focussed on genetics, and as Oliver James stated earlier, we have not much proof of genetic causes of mental illness. I completely agree with him that the early years of our lives are crucial to our mental development – and I personally think love and kindness play most important role in those years. But I also think we might be better off combining forces of both genetics and social studies to make the most of all theories for our clients. Our genes do shape us, as much as our early years, and later years of our lives too. I think we need to accept that both our background and current influences shape who we are.

Preoccupied with counselling studies and related reading, I am trying to cut down on going out at the moment. Yesterday, however, was a special evening for me. I was invited to attend an evening conversation with Richard Dawkins, the author of “The Selfish Gene”. I cannot believe it’s been 40 years already since the book was published and shaped our view of genetics, evolution, and memetics too! I remember reading it in high school (I was then fascinated with the emerging field of genetics). I made perfect sense. Later, reading Richard Brodie’s “Virus of the Mind” helped me a lot with a good understanding of the social web too. I used both theories at work for years! I was really impressed with Dawkins last night. It’s so lovely to be able to live close to Oxford and just pop out for an evening with someone who influenced me so much.

On the other hand, I was also critical. A lot has changed since his theory emerged and I am now going back to learn all the theories that came after his. I missed out on at least ten years of psychology only now and again picking up a book to read for fun. As part of the reflective process, I have to acknowledge that I need to go back to basics. I had a look at the Oxford Univesity offerings and did find a good “Introduction to Psychology course”. I think it will help me revise before I start practicing therapy. I also think it will help me identify the gaps in my knowledge. In the UK, a practicing therapist has the responsibility to develop and study, but before I get there, I want to ensure I join the industry prepared.

With social media, I was there when the second wave blogging emerged in 2014, and so it was natural for me to see it develop – while I worked with it too. I have a good, linear, historical understanding of social media which in the current, quite hectic world, helps a lot. I want to feel similarly confident in my therapeutical skills and knowledge too. Besides, studying is fun. Going to events and listening to the legends of our childhood is fun too.

Watch the video below and tell me how you feel.

Angry? Cheated? Annoyed? Sad? OK? I feel frustrated. I do like the idea of women magazines, fashion magazines etc because I grew up amongst boys and somehow always needed a ‘manual’ of some kind for all those more feminine aspects of my life. But I really don’t think Vogue is the place I can relate too (for the record I do browse through it now and again in a library to catch up on fashion styles, but I do not buy it). Vogue is probably not a good example as their ads also create trends. But most women magazines are indeed full of meaningless ads and photoshopped women. I do worry about the impact those magazines have on today’s men and women.

I have reacted to a post about social media’s negative impact on the self-image of young women here, and I will expand on it in a different blog post but let me just say that if we look at online media outlets the very same problem appears, only that it escalates faster. Luckily for us, in social media, we also have the ability to follow other leaders and other types of influencers: writers, philosophers, spiritual leaders, ordinary people who cheer up children on the spectrum just by sharing a fun video on Facebook. In social media ordinary people stand the chance to become game changers.

And I think partially thanks to the conversations in social media the awareness around issues with beauty standards grows. Not just that. I also think our general awareness as consumers and our expectations for brand to treat us with respect – also becomes increasingly a priority. Brand loyalty is pretty much out of the window if we are exposed to a huge amount of information, friends recommendations and constant need to change, hack and improve, right?

But let’s get back to the world of printed magazines. I suffer. I do suffer a lot. It physically hurst me to walk down the isle in WHSmith to get to what I want. I personally think beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it is often not so much about our actual looks but about the mood we are in. Our very own beauty is how we see ourselves, how we FEEL ourselves. Which is why I love this Dove ad so much:

But very few brads do it well. Very few magazines even attempt to take this philosophy on. There is one though. I have recently found something quite interesting: Breathe Magazine. Let me quickly tell you why.

1. It feels and does what it stands for: it makes me feel more relaxed just by holding it in my hands, browsing and reading its content. It does not focus on women admiring other, more beautiful women.

The three key call to actions promoted by “Breathe” are: relax, explore, revive. It feels like it too. The colour palette is gentle and mild. Drawing-like graphics are a little bit arty, very stylish but not overdone. Photos are carefully chosen and very often black and white – I love that! Font is elegant but light. Titles of articles are well drafted, presented and work well with graphics too. When you open the first page of the magazine you notice….space! And you do breathe a little bit slower and with more care;)

The image of women in “Breathe” is very light, there are very few images of women and all of them are elegant, realistic and funny. Beaty is not so much about the looks but how we feel about the world that surrounds us.

2. It is not cluttered with ads: at least not with ads the way we know them.

The traditional problem with print is that publishers aim to make as much money as they can from the space available for ads, but in this magazine space is reserved for…emptiness, gentle colour, pattern maybe. I genuinely still find it a bit astonishing when I open the first page and see the title page but on the left, on the back of the cover – well, nothing! 🙂 There are plenty of ads in this magazine – it contains reviews of products, gadgets, courses, travel destinations – but most of those are drafted and presented gently with a lot of stress on actual value to the reader and relevance to really good, meaningful and often quite helpful articles. So that as a reader you are actually quite keen on checking out the url of that author who talks about changing location and doing what you love doing – because she did it and it worked for her. She is now sharing it and it’s worth supporting her on her journey – right? That is a very positive approach to promotion.

3.It makes sense: it is useful and I really cannot disagree with its content. You know how nice it is not to have to disagree?

I have now studied minimalism, zen, meditation, space hacking, creativity for wellbeing, mental health and positive psychology long enough to see how the articles (even if short and very top-line) can be really useful for busy people. I might be lucky to live in a cottage sourounded by a magnificent English garden in a small town at the edge of Cotswolds, but not everyone is. The tips on wellbeing, living, mindfulness, creativity and escaping/travel are exactly what a busy person needs. Many of them really work in practice and are ever so easy to implement!

4.It’s value for money: it’s print in its best form.

I like pretty books so I like to pay for a magazine that contains 120 pages of pretty, good quality print and visuals with meaningful copy. I also like the idea of using it as form of creativity for origami, card making and the like. The idea of taking out a few pages and making something pretty out of those makes the magazine a living, meaningful item. It reminds us of other roles of paper in our life. I can see myself collecting those magazines and leaving them on my shelf while others go directly to the recycling bin.

5.It makes me feel good, better even!

I reach out for “Breathe” – the only two issues we have so far here in the UK – whenever I am down, I need inspiration, I need a reminder to stop and make time for myself. It simply works.

For me “Breathe” is the light at the end of the tunnel of our modern media publishing. I hope they will start a small revolution in publishing industry so that we can see more of that. In the meantime I cannot wait for the next issue and so I follow them on Facebook and on Instagram:) I think you might benefit from it too;)

Today I am looking at the Johari window. It’s good to start with myself. The Johari Window model is used for practising self-awareness – perfect place to start counselling studies, in my opinion.

Here is how it works (via Wikipedia):

This model helps us identify the way we perceive ourselves but also how others perceive us. I have done this exercise many times before but not in the context of me becoming a counsellor. This new role is a bit different and I am glad I can start the journey by reviewing my very own take on myself as a counsellor and by asking my family, friends and clients to tell me more about their perception of my counselling/listening skills.

All areas are worth exploring but I find the unknown most fascinating.

So here are the adjectives you need to place in all areas of the window – do it and see what is left for the unknown:

• able
• accepting
• adaptable
• bold
• brave
• calm
• caring
• cheerful
• clever
• complex
• confident
• dependable
• dignified
• empathetic
• energetic
• extroverted
• friendly
• giving
• happy
• helpful
• idealistic
• independent
• ingenious
• intelligent
• introverted
• kind
• knowledgeable
• logical
• loving
• mature
• modest
• nervous
• observant
• organized
• patient
• powerful
• proud
• quiet
• reflective
• relaxed
• religious
• responsive
• searching
• self-assertive
• self-conscious
• sensible
• sentimental
• shy
• silly
• spontaneous
• sympathetic
• tense
• trustworthy
• warm
• wise
• witty

Does this exercise change your self-awareness in any way? I would love to know what you think.